Lessons from the Garden: Finding Boundaries in Relationships

Three years ago I started a flower garden for the first time, and I attempted to make a rainbow of flowers. I was excited, started fairly late in the season, and didn't have much knowledge yet about flowers and planting. I didn't research or plan much, and I had a limited budget, which affected my choice of plants.

I picked up comfrey from a neighbor who was offering plants in their garden for transplanting, and I had motherwort from a landmate who had no specific plans for it. Both of these ended up in the blue & purple section, and both of these I'm now digging out of the garden three years later as they've spread significantly.

I've been learning a lot about boundaries, intentions, and relationships in the past year, and this is no exception. These plants are showing me the value of having a container, researching before planting, giving up on an idea when it's not the right timing for it, and sharing what I'm learning.

Comfrey is a BEAUTIFUL plant. It smelled amazing as I was digging it up, it's got healing properties, good for the soil, and I love the flowers. Motherwort also has a lot of great medicinal benefits, many of which I'm just now re-learning, researching it as I write. But I want a garden with a wide variety of flowers and food, not plants that will take over the whole space.

As I write, I'm feeling into the energy of these plants, my relationship with them individually, and my relationship with the people who had them before me. These plants have lessons for me, and I hope this brings some insight to others as well.

Right now I'm experiencing comfrey as soft, sensuous, and prosperous, and I'm curious where it comes from. I've been learning a lot about native and non-native plants. Turns out both of these plants are non-native and considered invasive species, though us white folks in the States are also non-native, and in many ways invasive to this land. I do have a preference to serve this land well, and I'm learning what that means as I continue to tend the garden and weave deeper into community. I have a desire for harmony between me, my community, the land, animals and other beings here, so I'm in inquiry about what to keep, what to remove, what to add, and how to weave it all together in harmony.

The process of writing and sharing my experience with the world is giving me more knowledge of my garden, some inquiry about my ancestry and personal relationship to these plants, and has prompted me to talk with those I share this land with to get clear on what our collective desires and boundaries are.

What plants do we want to bring in, and why?

How will they interact with other plants there?

Will they spread, and how?

What kind of container will support what we'd like to create?

There can be similar questions with human relationships:

What kind of people do you want to bring in to your life, home, etc, and why?

How will they interract with other beings who are already there (pets, people, etc)?

Will they want to populate (make babies, bring other partners or friends, etc)?

What kind of container is required to support what you'd like to create in relationship?

I like seeing the connections we weave throughout life - connections between us and plants, and the mirrors our environment may have for us. What does this bring up for you? I'm curious to hear - please drop a comment below if you're willing to share. If you'd like more clarity around your desires, harmony in your relationships, or support in creating containers that actually hold what you want to grow, I'd love to connect - reach out to schedule a consult call.