Triadic Relationship - A Different Possibility

There were two options of wristbands at this event I attended today - green for "Single" and red for "Taken / It's Complicated / I'm Just Here to Dance". I don't fall into either category. Well that feels awkward. Like I don't belong.

I'm writing because this is a common experience for me of not fitting in to the standard boxes, and I want to normalize this relationship structure that I've been dreaming of for years - a committed triadic relationship. This structure in my point of view doesn't quite align with the binaries of either monogamy or polyamory, and my current situation doesn't match the binaries of single or taken. Some would say this is "complicated," but to me, it's not. The more I talk to people one on one, the more I find others who have a similar desire for this structure.

I'm writing this because I want others to recognize what they want, and to feel free to express their desires. I believe the more in touch we are with our desires, combined with support to overcome challenges that arise in relation to them, the easier it will be to actualize them.

I was in a workshop over 6 years ago where I learned about the myriad different forms of relationship structures, including what each form signified and what they required to be healthy. Included in the structures were monogamy and committed+open, swinging, triads, free-form polyamory, and celibacy. Going in to that workshop, I thought I wanted a monogamous relationship with a man. When they talked about the form of a committed triad, I lit up. My spine lifted, my heart moved forward, and I realized with excitement that something else was possible.

I've gone back and forth on this idea ever since - is that really what I want? I would hear from some folks that a triad sounds complicated, which felt discouraging or frustrating at times. Then I'd get into relationships that weren't a triad and I felt varying degrees of satisfied. I believed at times that I could be happy in these other structures - monogamous, or polyamorous with more people. And I was happy for some time in those relationships. But none of them lasted.

I continued to consider the benefits of a committed triad, and I lit up again - more creativity, more love, more growth and reflection, more support if one of us needs support, time alone while the other two still have companionship if they want it, and of course having intimate connection with both a man and a woman - two very different and very satisfying, nourishing experiences.

Of course there are challenges, but what relationships don't have challenges? The ones I'm aware of are: working through the emotional labor of being with multiple people, the need for even clearer communication (which I actually feel excited about), working through jealousy and a fear of my partner leaving me to be with just the other woman, and possibly other challenges I don't yet know about. Yes, the unknown feels scary, but unknown possibilities are not specific to this form.

Even as I developed a romantic partnership with a man in the past year, there was a time early on when I felt content with just the two of us, and I let go of attachment to this idea. But the desire was still there. Writing this is another step in that direction. I didn't quite align with societies typical green and red wristbands, and that's ok. I believe there are folks out there who also share this desire. I want us all to feel permission to dream up, clarify and acknowledge our desires, learn to speak them, understand them if necessary, and bring them into reality.