Confidence. It’s such a big topic, isn’t it? As I write this, I notice moments when I feel it and others when it slips away. I want to feel grounded in my confidence, to truly embody it, and to have others see it in me, too. But when it falters, there’s a raw vulnerability that’s hard to ignore. To get by, I’ve sometimes worn a mask of confidence, hoping it would carry me through the moments when I didn’t feel enough. Does that resonate with you?
Superficial confidence is a fragile façade, built on unsteady ground and often relying on masks to conceal vulnerabilities. It might help us pursue our desires or create the illusion of having it all together, but it rarely feels truly satisfying. More often than not, it leads to outcomes that are close to what we wanted but not quite, leaving us searching for something more solid and lasting.
Authentic confidence, though, is something entirely different. It’s not about the masks or the quick fixes. It’s the result of a deeper journey—a process of peeling back the layers and doing the messy, uncomfortable work of self-discovery. It grows from countless hours of introspection and shadow work, where you sift through the rubble of old programming and outdated beliefs to rediscover what’s real and true about you.
This kind of confidence feels steady because it’s built on solid, healthy ground. It emerges from a foundation of clarity and profound self-love. It’s about being present with your feelings, understanding your needs and boundaries, and expressing yourself authentically—not perfectly, but honestly.
It’s not always easy, and it’s not linear. There are days when old insecurities creep back in or when the mask feels easier to reach for. But over time, authentic confidence becomes a practice—a choice you make to stand in your truth, even when it feels vulnerable. And when it does, it doesn’t just help you get through the day; it helps you show up as the person you really are, no mask required.
Here are some things that build my confidence:
Understanding, loving and feeling comfortable being me
Embodying and expressing my truth
Releasing attachment to specific outcomes
Increasing resilience to challenges
Feeling grounded and present in my body
Do any of these resonate with you? What else helps you build authentic confidence?
And yet, even with these practices, there are moments when confidence slips away. Like the time I found myself at a swanky holiday party, surrounded by shiny, sexy people I didn’t know. In hindsight, I can see that I wanted to impress others—I was attached to an outcome.
It feels uncomfortable to reflect on moments like this, so I take a moment now to notice how it feels in my body. I let the thoughts come and go, staying present with the sensations. Maybe it feels uncomfortable for you to read about, too—especially if you’ve experienced a similar situation. But this discomfort is an invitation to practice embodiment.
In these moments of self-discovery, I sometimes encounter old somatic memories. At times, I feel alone, shut down, or numb—echoes from my youth when I didn’t yet have the capacity to process what I was feeling. I notice the mask I had put on back then—a smile to hide my pain. Now, I have the space to simply be with those feelings and allow them to surface.
As I sit with these sensations, my spine lengthens, my breath deepens, and I feel more present. I revisit that recent memory of the party and notice some tension in my belly. I stay with it, following the sensation until it shifts and feels complete for the moment.
What feels supportive in building confidence now is celebrating what I did that night. Despite feeling shy and awkward, I reached out and started a conversation with someone new. That was courage, and as I reflect on it, I feel fuller, more optimistic. I let those sensations move through my body and settle. This is the practice of re-patterning—one small, intentional step at a time.
Here’s a process I recommend for your journey to building authentic confidence in relationships:
Acknowledge what you want.
Take the first step. Reach out to someone you’re drawn to and see if they’re open to connecting.
Be present with your experience. When it feels safe, take time to sit with the feelings, sensations, and emotions that arise during the interaction.
Celebrate your courage. Let yourself feel that celebration fully in your body.
Repeat.
Not sure what you’re feeling or where to start? Ready to embark on your path to authentic confidence? Schedule a coaching session with me—the first one is free! Book online here.
Comments